By DAVID MATTESON
English, history, science and mathematics might be your core classes, but there is no life aspect more important than the understanding of fashion.
No, not those dinky how-to-sew classes that your mom sees advertised in the Sunday Classifieds and thinks might be a good bonding experience. No, what people need to know is the history of each trend they throw on their back, each store they use daddy’s American Express at and each hair or makeup trend they try out. After all, isn’t it a social studies teacher’s motto that you have to “learn from the past to have a bright future?”
Since listening to a plethora of bimbo girls and boys inaccurately describe their new look as something totally “hip and modern” (Newsflash: we’re a generation of copy cats who have yet to make a wave in the fashion world), this usually bright and cheery columnist is fed up. That’s why you all are getting a pop quiz. Get out your favorite gel pen and get ready to get grilled on the fashion basics you need to know.
1) Vintage is the coined phrase for garments originating from what time period?
a) 1950-1970
b) 1899-1900
c) 1920-1960
d) 1990-2009 (Your gel pen had better not even think of circling this answer)
2) Hermés began as a _________ company?
a) poor man’s slacks
b) leather horse harness
c) it started and remains today as a luxury fashion house
d) cotton manufacturing
3) Which product was featured in a $5 million advertisement in 2004?
a) Louis Vuitton luggage
b) Target brand overalls (Oh yeah, the definition of style.)
c) Dolce and Gabbana’s new sunglasses
d) Chanel No. 5
4) In 1997, what fashion guru was brutally assassinated sparking an international search for the killer?
a) Giorgio Armani
b) Gianni Versace
c) Karl Lagerfeld
d) Oh, who cares. Whoever it is is dead!
5) This designer, who employed Agyness Deyn to be the face of his new perfume Ma Dame, designed Madonna’s cone bra.
a) Jean-Paul Gaultier
b) Emanuel Ungaro (Ha, no style there. They recently employed Lindsey Lohan.)
c) Calvin Klein
d) Michael Kors
The Answers (Cross your fingers and hope you didn’t fail):
1) Antique refers to clothes older than 100 years, and Vintage are those that fall into the 1920-1960 time frame. Retro is the correct term for anything past 1960.
2) Leather horse harnesses to $500 scarfs, a serious rags to riches story. Founded by Thierry Hermès the company transitionsed to luxury fashion in the 1920’s.
3) As glamorous as the other answers were, disregarding the overalls, the Chanel No. 5 was correct. Nicole Kidman was featured in the commercial.
4) Shame on you if you picked D! The answer is Gianni Versace. The Pope of Fashion’s funeral was broadcasted internationally and caused the Versace family to go into mourning in the Caribbean. The Versace Spring/Summer show of 1998 was cancelled as well.
5) The designer Jean-Paul Gaultier is infamous for creating the iconic cone bra.
So fashionistas, how did you do? Even if you failed, hopefully you got the message: fashion is serious business. And just because it didn’t start a revolutionary war or form some Calculus principle doesn’t mean you should be uneducated about what you are wearing and the meaning behind it.