By DAVID MATTESON
Products. The word strikes fear into the deepest caverns of every chic individual’s slender gut.
The pang of fear that resonates is most likely due to the array of styling products on the market. Everywhere from Walmart to the trendiest Thornton Park salons have an array of beauty enhancing selections that claim to make every buyer look his ultimate best. The depressingly awful fact is most of these assertions are deceitful cons created by trolls in advertising departments.
This stylish columnist has fallen victim to the demon of false advertising more than once. In fact, well over 100 different products adorn the drawers of this fashionisto’s bathroom, and most are absolute duds. Yet there are those diamonds in the rough that hold true to their statements. So prior to being jipped yet again, check out this list of the top styling necessities.
1. Bumble and Bumble Grooming Crème ($26, bumbleandbumble.com). While the brand is often criticized for its high prices, the results of this cream vindicate B&B’s bad rap. Using this product as a primer helps to quickly detangle hair and leave it free of fly-aways after air or blow-drying. The product is marketed towards anyone who wants an easy minimalist styling solution, as it takes less than a minute to apply. It also helps in the constant Floridian quest to block out pesky humidity, especially when paired with the B&B Defrizz tonic ($24).
2. Devoted Creation’s Trinity3 ($65, price may vary). This tingle lotion embraces the concept that beauty is painful. While it is the most intense tanning lotion on the market, it does deliver the darkest results in the fastest amount of time. Tingles work by raising oxygen to the surface of the skin in order to make the melanin darken faster, and Trinity3 combines this concept with dark silicone based bronzers. Upon using this lotion one will experience a burning sensation that lasts a few hours, but that’s a sign that it is working. One should never become pasty, and this lotion will make sure one keeps his bronze year round.
3. Aveeno Ultra-Calming Daily Moisturizer ($17, Walgreens). Aveeno’s daily moisturizer works to even out skin tone and create an overall healthier look. It reduces redness while the SPF 15 prevents further sun damage. The all-natural ingredients that Aveeno is famous for make the lotion ideal for anyone’s complexion. Surprisingly, this silky lotion works just as well as Chanel’s pricier toner; and while name brands are important, in this case opt for the drugstore selection.
4. Bag Balm Ointment ($9, Walgreens). Originally created to soothe cows’ udders after milking, Bag Balm has come a long way since its creation in 1899. The brand’s signature green container can now be found everywhere from dermatologists’ offices to local drugstores. The intense moisturizer helps prevent and treat chapped lips, among other skin ailments. If decreasing temperatures have your skin in a tizzy, just lather yourself in this well kept veterinarian secret.
5. Psssssst Dry Shampoo ($6, Walgreens). Waking up at 6 A.M. to primp and make it to school on time is not always an option. That’s where Psssssst Dry Shampoo comes in. The hairspray makes hair feel and look clean by soaking up any of the excess oil, allowing one to skip washing it everyday. The product also gives hair volume, and unlike baby powder it does not leave an odor. Pssssst has been around since the 1960s, so have faith in the time tested product.
While a lotion that sets your skin ablaze and a lip balm used on cows may seem like psychotic beauty recommendations, they truly deliver results. Finally, products are your friends, so don’t be afraid to experiment and discover what truly makes you gorgeous.
Dear David, I just want to thank you for all of your interesting and entirely helpful articles. Whenever I get the newspaper I always look forward to them. Please continue being glamorous and helping others do the same! Yours truly.