This school is the epitome of trashy.

Girls run around exposing nasty muffin tops and boys pants “swag” way too low.  Accompany that with a low level vernacular and the “Home of the Braves” is approaching trailer park status.  There is no glamour about the lifestyles of these students.

This fashion savvy columnist has desperately tried over the past two years to find a solution to the overwhelming amounts of trashiness plaguing Boone.  The highlights include a plea to put the animal print aside unless one hopes to look like a cheap escort, wear jeans that don’t let fat hang out and to keep skin bronze.  And yet, the  lifestyles continue.  Out of sheer despair, here are some easy tips that everyone can incorporate into their everyday lifestyle.

Drive-thrus are a BIG no-no. There is nothing trashier in this world than a drive thru.  They are the reason America is fat.  And not just because of the fact that eating “fast food” is the equivalent of injecting lard into your stomach.  Drive-thrus promote the mentality that food should be available “on the go.”  This “whenever, wherever” mentality allows people to gorge themselves and thus gain unhealthy amounts of weight.

Drive-thrus also promote a lazy attitude.  If one is unable to walk a short distance to get their food, then one should not eat at all.  What’s next?  Feeding tubes connected to us at all times?  By refusing to perform a simple physical act, you are rejecting the principle that food is nourishment.  In response to the argument that drive-thrus help when one is on a tight schedule, understand that if you can’t plan for an extra three minutes to park and walk to a register then you are promoting a lazy attitude.

Food should be worshipped.  Your body doesn’t want you to stuff yourself with an eight pack of Chik-fil-A chicken nuggets, an Oreo McFlurry and a BK Whopper Value meal.  Choose food that nourishes and makes you feel healthy.  It’s the secret to every diet, and let’s face it, America desperately needs a diet.

Maintain your looks. Roots are for crack addicts and patients who are in a coma. Other than that, there is no reason why your hair should not be a consistent color at all times.  It is so trashy to see a girl with blonde golden locks and dark brown roots.  If one can’t keep up with highlights then one should just keep his or her natural color.

Maintenance doesn’t just pertain to hair color though.  One’s body may be a temple, but it sure needs a lot of work.  Keep up with the gym membership.  If one gains a pound off of his or her target weight, then get to the gym and lose it.  There is nothing more unattractive than watching a fit person become a piece of flabby fat.  Bathing suit season will eventually come to a close, but that isn’t an excuse to let one’s body go.

Lets take the dimwitted bimbos of The Real Housewives of Orange County for example.  While their morals are questionable, they are the chief proprietors of glamour.  Their looks are always impeccable when on camera and in public.  They understand the principle of maintenance and how a well maintained superficial look is the definition of glamour.

Money problems are for whiners. No one cares if you’re going through the worst economic crisis of your life.  It is unattractive to tell friends about your poor finances or ask them for money.  Leave begging to homeless gents and panhandlers outside of ABC Liquor.  Anyone glamorous knows that economics is something that remains behind closed doors.

Plus, the complicated process of borrowing money is overwhelming and exhausting.  That’s how you alienate friends and end up in even bigger debts.  No one likes a moocher.

Instead, focus on acting like you’re worth more than you are.  If you can’t afford Dolce and Gabbana don’t waste your money by purchasing look-a-like fakes.  Faux designers are often constructed poorly, and it is incredibly obvious that you are just trying to be a poser.  Wear clothes with the one accessory that never goes out of style- confidence.

It doesn’t matter who one is, everyone needs a bit of glamour in life.  By following these easy tips, one certainly will be meeting this goal and hopefully, everyone will make that small step towards a classier school.

By admin

I love WP, Online Learning, Podcasting, Microsoft Office Applications, Video editing software, I can train on Mac OS X or Windows operating system, Web Design Software, Pasco Science probeware, iOS Devices, Web 2.0 Applications, Blogging

4 thoughts on “Trashy lifestyle is so out”
  1. This article is disgusting. The views expressed in it are incredibly biased, ignorant, and insulting. I am a former Boone student and in my time there read the paper every time it came out and I am sad at the loss of quality control that this article shows. The metaphors used are trashier than anything that has any relation to Boone High school. The entire section on money problems is the most insulting of all. Money troubles are like all troubles and people feel better when they talk about their problems to people they care about. This student’s obvious privileged background shows through in his ignorance. A note to hi-lights: While many newspapers do try to have edgy columnists to get attention good or bad, an article such as this makes both the school and the publication look bad. I am truly disappointed.

    This article is the epitome of trashy.

  2. Hi david, I love you. And your columns evoke a certain level of charm within people, as evidenced by above ^^ 🙂

  3. David, you completely made my life by writing this article. I’ve never read such a fantastic story. I love everything about it. Please write more like these? Thanks you!

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