Johnson’s Updated Dictionary 2014

johnsonAfter our study of Samuel Johnson’s dictionary, we decided to apply our knowledge of satire and create some definitions of our own. Here are some especially good examples of modern additions to the Dictionary:

booty -the largest inanimate object that has the power to control a man’s mind.

cheerleading– throwing people and ourselves in the air, but still not considered a sport.

credit card – a magical plastic card that makes teenagers feel all-powerful and omniscient, all while secretly depriving said teens of money not yet attained.

Florida – a state enslaved by and dependent on a mouse and oranges.

gangster – a teenage male who still lives with his mother.

hair – something to be removed unless it’s on a head or part of an eyebrow.

headphones -the amazing wire that brings music to your ears but breaks at the drop of a dime.

hello – to approach a female with sexual intentions.

Instagram – the place where everyone who owns a camera is either a model or a photographer.

marriage – a reason to have a party a few years (or weeks) before you break up. Ex: Kim Kardashian.

moded – things are not going your way; to get burned.

Oscar – an award given to great actors, but not Leonardo DiCaprio.

rabbit – an animal so adorable it makes even the strongest, manliest men to act like squealing little girls.

spray tan – a spray that tricks girls into thinking they look tan but actually turns them into Oompa Loompas.

swag-males using the power of style and fashion in order to impress females.

textbook – a heavy and expensive object you receive on the first day of class and open only twice throughout the year: midterm and final exam.

unbeweaveable – describes a girl’s crazy hairstyle involving fake hair and wild colors.

vegan – a person who protests the murder of animals but eats their only food supply.

women – can’t live with ’em, can’t eat without ’em.

YOLO – excuse used to do something incredibly stupid.

Comments Off on Johnson’s Updated Dictionary 2014

Filed under Honors IV

Comments are closed.