Tag Archives: english

After our study of Samuel Johnson’s dictionary, we decided to apply our knowledge of satire and create some definitions of our own. Here are some especially good examples of modern additions to the Dictionary:

booty -the largest inanimate object that has the power to control a man’s mind.

cheerleading– throwing people and ourselves in the air, but still not considered a sport.

credit card – a magical plastic card that makes teenagers feel all-powerful and omniscient, all while secretly depriving said teens of money not yet attained.

Florida – a state enslaved by and dependent on a mouse and oranges.

gangster – a teenage male who still lives with his mother.

hair – something to be removed unless it’s on a head or part of an eyebrow.

headphones -the amazing wire that brings music to your ears but breaks at the drop of a dime.

hello – to approach a female with sexual intentions.

Instagram – the place where everyone who owns a camera is either a model or a photographer.

marriage – a reason to have a party a few years (or weeks) before you break up. Ex: Kim Kardashian.

moded – things are not going your way; to get burned.

Oscar – an award given to great actors, but not Leonardo DiCaprio.

rabbit – an animal so adorable it makes even the strongest, manliest men to act like squealing little girls.

spray tan – a spray that tricks girls into thinking they look tan but actually turns them into Oompa Loompas.

swag-males using the power of style and fashion in order to impress females.

textbook – a heavy and expensive object you receive on the first day of class and open only twice throughout the year: midterm and final exam.

unbeweaveable – describes a girl’s crazy hairstyle involving fake hair and wild colors.

vegan – a person who protests the murder of animals but eats their only food supply.

women – can’t live with ’em, can’t eat without ’em.

YOLO – excuse used to do something incredibly stupid.

After our study of Samuel Johnson’s dictionary, we decided to apply our knowledge of satire and create some definitions of our own. Here are some especially good examples of modern additions to the Dictionary:

alligator – an aggressive mascot that protects Florida from Seminoles.

Apple – company that brainwashes people to buy anything they sell; a fruit.

boyfriend/girlfriend – intimate partner for arguing and special moments.

cell phone – something everyone under the age of 50 can’t be without; brain tumor; a device that enslaves humans to a small screen.

college – main cause of gaining 15 lbs.

dance – event students use to do inappropriate things in front of administrators.

eyebrows – hair above your eyes so your face doesn’t look weird.

Facebook – website used to get to know someone without ever talking to them; acceptable stalking.

female – sex that produces ova or bears young, makes all smart decisions, should be president, wears the pants, and according to Beyonce, “runs the world.”

Hollister – the cave where kids work for pennies.

Instagram – social media website where everyone is a photographer; device used by females to get the attention of males.

male – sex that produces sperm.

money – something the government takes away from you.

senioritis – the lack of caring about how scientific this definition should be.

soccer (football) – a sport the whole world except the U.S. plays.

sour gummies – God’s gift to the world.

teacher – a human who ruins children’s hopes and dreams.

television – a brain microwave; the device which major corporations use to brainwash the populace.

trench coat – attire that should be illegal in all states except Rhode Island; used by pocketwatch vendors and your mom’s felon uncle.

UF – college where people who think they are smart and good sports go to get beaten by FSU; acronym for the University of Florida.

word – this.